Monday, 14 October 2013

The Self Critical "ME"

Have you ever thought about what types of people are around you?

I have set my observation and found some people are boasting, some mediocre don’t care attitude, some are always scared of everything.  And some are so timid and sensitive that they get affected by anyone saying anything to anybody, whether or not they are even remotely connected to them.

Well is that all are the types of people in this world? Not really.

There must be a zillion types and I really don’t feel the urge to investigate into them, but yes I would for sure mention them broadly.

There were days when I use to think there exists only two kinds of people, one who exploit and the other who gets exploited. But call it my wisdom or time, I have learned that world is not only made of these two broad categories, but there are many more. However more often than not, you could hear people sulking, complaining and  crying those people for sure belong to the later of these categories (obviously this depends on the story they have narrated to you, as in the side the narrator wants to present)

Ah so here we come to the type of people who exists broadly.

To start with will be the ones who know it all category and they actually have read nothing, know nothing (seriously have no knowledge).

Ones, who actually belong to jack of all trades, as they have read it, learned it and keep learning more.

Ones who are dumb. And as they are dumb and know nothing, they would never accept that they are dumb.

Ones who are dumb but rather finds it easy to find mistakes in others.  These people are under an assumption that they can find mistake in anybody because they can.

Ones who know very little and find it easier to find mistakes in others…. And so on and so forth.

However this isn't about those people. This is about me, probably one person who needs no critic. It is by far the easiest thing  for me to get into a self critical mode and so often. Not only it is self critical, it is a unique mode where I find it so easy to relate to any dumb old movie showing three self’s (black, white and thyself).

In my case there are three self’s, one is a critic Advocate, other Defendant and a Judge.

Advocate: Why don’t you write prose?
Defender: Why should I?  I write poems.
Adv: Ha... That’s because it’s easier to write poems than prose.
Def : Well not really, it isn't so easy to write poems…. (With doubt)
Adv: That’s why you write so many of them, and which is understood by  no one ,but you.
Judge (Thinking):  Is it so… is this is why I write poems? And does no one understand them?
Adv: You don’t have any topic to write.
Def: What rubbish, I have so many topics written down in my idea notepad.
Adv: Than why haven’t you written any? May be you are afraid of making mistakes?
Def: What mistakes?
Adv: Spelling mistakes, grammar error, writing something no one understands.
Def: I can check spelling on spell check, grammar is not that of a rocket science and who said no one will understand what I write. May they do understand it, how do you know they don’t?  
Adv: Than why haven’t you written anything?
Def: Ahh.. Ahhh … I am in a process of writing, I have written two different things but I am not happy with them. I am yet to finish them.
Adv: Why haven’t you finished them?
Def: I am writing, I write… I mean I did see through them some days back. I will complete them soon.
Adv: “My lord” it is evident that the defender cannot write a prose, I rest my case.
Def: No “MY Lord”, please give me a chance, I will write something, something. …..Which people will understand?
Judge:  I give you 2 weeks to write and prove that you can. And in case you are unable to provide the court with ample evidence supporting it, it will become evident that you cannot write prose.

I don’t know what one has made out of my melodramatic narrative of me, me and me. It is very self centric, but what on this earth is not?

The only reason I wrote this is, I could defend myself again. I believe many of us get in this self critical mode.
But what is important is to also have someone defend our stand and justify why we did, what and when. It is important that we are able to answer our conscience, before we answer anyone else or even before anyone asks us a question. 

No mater whatever types we belong and are, I think it is important to be able to answer to self before anybody else. 
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